First Kill
by PentoPaperGal18
Summary: War is chaos, and it spares no one, not even the innocent. So when Ezra is forced to make a decision out of his control, Sabine confronts him on guilt, and the true cost of war. Takes place during season two. Sabine/Ezra friendship. Rated T for a (brief) death sequence and mild violence.


**Hey, what's up? 'Dodges tomatoes.' Whoah!** **Okay, so I know I haven't updated in forever. But I have my reasons. In a short run-down since I last updated:**

 **-My faithful dog of eleven years had to be put down. She had a genetic disorder that lead to her spine rapidly degenerating. She was in too much pain, so I had to let her go. Also lost my favorite rooster near the same time.**

 **-Helped with the production of two different plays at my university.**

 **-Been in Class**

 **-Babysat**

 **-Ended up with my first ever boyfriend.**

 **-In case none of you knew, I am a English Major with a emphasis on Creative Writing, so I was** **Elected into the English Honor Society at my University** **And none of this even cuts the surface. There was so much to be done. And with it all my anxiety started acting up with everything going on. And I didn't have any ideas flowing for my fanfics. I can't promise to update more often because of life, but I promise it is not because I forgot you all, my wonderful fanfictioners!**

 **Anyhow, here is a little one-shot I wrote to help get me back into the flow.. Might not be great, so as always, constructive criticism is awesome, flames not so much, but I'll still take them! ;)**

* * *

It was supposed to be a simple mission; sneak in and separate, grab the plans when someone had found them, and get out before the Imperials even realized their presence. The Imperial station was practically empty, or so Hera's contact had assured them, and they would have little difficulty in completing the mission.

The contact had lied.

Kanan peeked over the edge of the cargo he had chosen as his cover. He fired once at the small squad of troopers, before ducking back into his hiding place. Not for the first time, he cursed himself for suggesting that they separate and regroup once they had retrieved what they had come for.

" _ _Spector one, come in."__ The comm crackled to life at his waist. Kanan snatched it with one hand, firing another shot at the troopers. This time his blaster shot hit its mark and one went down.

"Specter Two, where are you?"

" _ _In the lower level of the hanger. I've got Specters__ _ _four and five. We need you and six."__

Kanan called upon the force for strength, then enhanced his speed to dive through the door several feet away, and slammed the controls to close it. He pulled out his blaster and shot the lock. He holstered his blaster with a heavy breath. There, that would give him some time to get lost and escape.

"Specter Six isn't with you?"

" _ _No…"__

Kanan cursed underneath his breath. __Blast it Ezra. I told you to stay with Zeb…__

"I'll get him. Move to the top. I'll meet you there."

 _"_ _ _Got it. Specter__ _ _Two out."__ Hera cut the connection off before he could respond.

So without further delay, Kanan clipped the com back to his belt, then took off down the hall.

…..

Some part of Kanan knew what had happened, even before he arrived on the scene. The Force had flared, briefly, before quickly dying down. It soon resonated with shock, along with a overwhelming pressure of numbness. Dim though it was, Kanan recognized the source of emotions.

Kanan put on one last spurt of speed. He all but flew down the hallway, following the pulsating Force almost as though being tugged by a invisible thread. He followed it to the control room, and skidded through the doorframe. And though he had already suspected it, nothing could have prepared him for the sight he found.

A man was slumped over the controls. His body was limp. His eyes, wide and sightless, stared up at the ceiling, blood dripping down his head, and coating his once-blonde hair with the red liquid.

When Kanan managed to turn his eyes away from the horrific sight, he saw that Ezra was across the room, collapsed against the wall. The youth's legs were visibly trembling, drawn up to his chest. His shaking arms were clasped about his knees, as though trying to shield himself from the world. He didn't look up as Kanan approached.

The man knelt down in front of the youth. He reached out, slowly, and gingerly rested a hand on Ezra's thin shoulder. The muscles quivered underneath his touch.

"Ezra." Kanan kept his voice soft.

"Its time to go. Hera's waiting for us."

A long pause. Then finally Ezra tilted his head to look upward at his master. His eyes were glassy; his breath escaped his lips in sharp, raspy gasps that he couldn't seem to control.

"I didn't…..I wasn't planning on….he….."

"Shush, padawan, it's alright." Kanan used both hands this time, clasping the child's forearms within a gentle grip. He reached out with the Force, using the tendrils of his mind to sooth his padawan's shocked one, trying to gently revive him from the state he was in.

"But we need to go now. Do you think you can walk?" Silence was his answer.

But Ezra didn't protest as Kanan slipped his hands underneath the boy's armpits, and carefully lifted him up off the ground onto unsteady feet. He wrapped an arm around thin shoulders gently, and guided them out the door.

…

It took them much longer than expected to reach the Ghost. With Ezra still in shock and unable to defend himself, Kanan was forced to take a longer route, in the hopes of avoiding troopers.

For once, luck seemed to be on their side. There were no troopers in the halls they passed through. And when they reached the roof, the rest of the crew had already wiped out the few troops that had discovered their location.

Briefly Kanan sent a quick prayer of thanks to the Force for this surprising dose of good fortune. Goodness knows how much they could have handled, considering that his padawan was in no condition to fight.

He pushed Ezra into the ship ahead of him. He slammed the button to close the ramp behind him, at the same time yanking the com back off his waist.

"Spector Two, take off."

He felt the ship rumble to life underneath his feet.

He heaved a sigh of relief before turning around. His lips pursed themselves into a thin line when he noticed Ezra had fallen onto his rear. The boy remained where he was, eyes staring through Kanan as though he wasn't there.

Zeb reached down and jerked him back to his feet. "Come on kid, no time sittin' around." He teased lightly.

Ezra yanked his arm out of the lasat's grip. He smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in his clothing, trying to act collected and smooth. No amount of hiding however, could hide the tremors of his hand.

"Yeah, thanks." He muttered. He kept his head lowered, refusing to make eye contact. Then he turned and scrambled up the ladder before anyone could reply.

As Ezra fled toward his room, he heard Sabine's voice, tone clearly edged with confusion.

"What in the Galaxy was that about?"

….….

 _ _Ezra felt pain explode across his scalp. He crumbled to the floor, back pressed against the wall he had been flung against. Tears clouded his eyes. But even through his blurry vision, he saw his opponent stalk toward him.__

 _ _The man knelt down before him. He grabbed the boy's chin, forcing his head up and back. The grin on the man's face was twisted by the scar that traced its way from temple to mouth. His eyes were alight with what Ezra could only assume was delight.__

 _"_ _ _So, this is the fearless rebel?" The man pulled something out of his boot with his free hand.__ _Ezra felt something cold pressed against his neck. Its edge was sharp, digging into the skin of his neck. He suppressed a whimper. He couldn't keep from shivering, even as the man's hot breath flowed into his face. The breath was minty, almost sickly sweet and moist._

 _Doesn't seem like much to me." The Imperial applied slight pressure. Ezra felt a prick. Something warm trickled down his neck from the wound._

 _"_ _ _Some Specter you are. I didn't know that ghosts could bleed." The man moved his hand off Ezra's chin, only to reach up and grab a fistful of hair.__ _ _Ezra grunted as his head was painfully yanked farther back. The agent shifted his grip on his blade. Dread pulled in his belly as Ezra felt the blade being pressed just below his jawline. He knew what the officer was planning before he spoke again, voice almost purring with pleasure.__

 _"_ _ _After the trouble you have caused, I am sure Lord Vader will be pleased with simply receiving your stone cold body…."__

 _ _Ezra snapped then.__

 _"_ _ _No!"__

 _ _With one final act of desperation, Ezra slung his hands forward against the man's chest.__ _ _The man flew backwards at Ezra's Force push. He slammed against the control panel.__

 _ _Too bad he had held onto his weapon.__

 _ _It wasn't until Ezra saw the red blossoming did he realize what he had just done. He scrunched up in his corner. He gripped his head, as an overwhelming mixture of emotion spilling over, and formed a puddle in his chest.__

 _…_

Ezra tapped his fingers against the side of his mug, nails clicking sharply against the cold surface. Across from him, Sabine raised an eyebrow. Her lips parted slightly as though she was about to speak. Then she sealed them shut. She returned her gaze back to her own cup, watching the creamy blue milk sloshing against the sides.

Zeb had disappeared in his cabin. Kanan was in the cockpit with Hera, Sabine supposed, leaving her and Ezra alone in the common room.

Kanan had explained what he had found with Ezra. Nothing more had to be said; the implications were all too clear.

Its not your fault, Sabine wanted to tell him.

Its the Empire.

But she couldn't, not now.

She knew all too well what Ezra was feeling like right now. At the moment he was processing what had happened, still trying to sort through the tangled threads of emotions in the aftermath of the mission. It would take time for him to grasp the true cost of what had just occurred.

Eventually he would break. At some point he would fall into the pit of his guilt. They would have to pick up the shattered pieces of his heart as he finally let his guard down. Then he would be forced to lift up his head through the tears, and continue on, because war meant loss and pain; no time to mourn and come to terms with the sacrifice, and loss of innocence.

That time would come. whether tonight or tomorrow, it would come. But for now, Sabine was willing to stand diligent, and to let him know that he would never be alone.

She lowered the cup from her lips. She set it with a gentle 'clank' on the rounded holo-top. Ezra didn't even flinch at the sound. His eyes remained fixated on his mug.

"You know, when I first joined the crew, I was scared." She didn't even think before she began talking, words flying off her tongue before she could catch them. But Ezra was looking at her, and seemed to be listening, and that was more attention he had given anyone during the past few hours.

"After spending the past two years of my life at the Academy, I was worried that I would run into classmates, old comrades. What if I ran into them, and they tried to kill me? But what if I killed them?" Ezra flinched, and dropped his chin back to his chest.

"It wasn't until I ran into Ketsu that day did I realize something; we are in war. And they made their choice of which side to stand upon. I will respect their decision, and if I can keep from harming them, I will. But ultimately it comes down to one thing; if I am forced to fight them in order to defend myself and the Rebellion, I would. Because War means fighting for what you believe is right, and sometimes, sacrifices must be made."

Ezra sniffled, almost imperceptible sound. But it was there. Sabine pretended to not hear it. She reached across the table and laid one gloved hand over his wrist.

"I know its hard," she said softly. "And its okay for you to be upset over this. But keep in mind that it wasn't your fault. You hear me? You were defending yourself. He sealed his own fate when he decided to target you." She let out a breath of laughter, but it was mirthless.

"We're both just kids. We weren't meant to be fighting in this war. We should be in school now, doing normal kids stuff, and our biggest fear should be what our parents would do when they found out about our grades, and who we should be dating. But the Empire left us no choice." She squeezed his wrist, felt the too-taut skin stretched over thin bones.

And what we're doing is saving others, like us, from that same fate. The Empire took everything from you-from me-and left us with nothing but the will to survive.

"The Empire killed that man Ezra. You didn't. Don't blame yourself for something that wasn't your choice."

This time an audible sob left Ezra's lips. He pulled his limb out of Sabine's grip so he could bury his face in both hands. His shoulders shook as his soft cries continued, the sound now muffled against his palms.

Her first instinct was to go find Kanan, or Hera. She could deal with sarcastic Ezra, stubborn Ezra. She didn't know how to handle this version of Ezra, this quiet, meek __child__ who needed comfort from anyone other than her. He needed his mentor.

But she didn't leave.

Instead, for reasons unknown even to her, she found herself moving so she could sit beside him on the seat. She put her arm around him, awkwardly. She didn't know what she was doing, if this was the right course to take. She had never truly given comfort before, let alone receive it. There was a irrational voice in her head, telling her that she was a idiot. That if she wasn't careful, she could permanently mess up her young friend. But all those thoughts died at Ezra's next actions.

He shuffled in his seat so he could bury his head into her shoulder, laying his forehead against her shoulder armor. If it was uncomfortable he didn't show it. His arms wrapped around her waist, hugging her tightly as he wept.

Sabine felt her own eyes moisten upon hearing the gasping sounds of his breath. Her other arm moved without her permission to wrap around his other shoulder, returning the embrace that he so desperately needed. She rested her cheek against his head. The strands of his dark hair tickled her cheek.

"You're not alone kid," She whispered. "I promise, we're all here to stand beside you the whole way."

"I promise."


End file.
